Sitting in a gazebo all weekend at a local family event, I got to do a lot of people-watching. The most enjoyable part was seeing people use our standees for pictures (above). An old-fashioned carnival kind of attraction, these forms where kids (and adults) could stick their faces in and get a picture were an irresistible draw to our booth.

Since we had The Princess and the Kiss, The Squire and the Scroll and The Three Gifts of Christmas available for kids, we also had a table of toys – a plastic sword, a tiara, a dragon and a mirror with a crown built in to make the viewer an instant princess.

It’s always fun to take on an imaginary identity – we love masquerade parties and dressing up like superheroes. But when PurityWorks hosts a Planned Purity event, even our simple interactive play is designed to draw participants back to their TRUE identity.

We are royalty.

We were made for honor, nobility, service, goodness, truth and beauty, nothing less. Boys and men are meant to be protectors. That’s why the Squire sets out to conquer a dragon and free a kingdom.

​Girls and women are meant to be treasures. That’s why the Princess courageously saves her kiss for a Prince and no less.

We were made to care for others more than ourselves. That’s why the little princess in The Three Gifts ends up giving her Christmas gifts away.

Unfortunately, our dangerous world coaxes boys into being predators and girls into being willing targets. It teaches us that we should selfishly pursue everything and enjoy instant gratification without self-control. This foolishness must stop immediately, and we must fight
​our own personal battles with all our hearts to change it, checking ourselves and putting others first.

Nonetheless, this weekend I saw many people step into their true identities and smile – even one older lady and her husband. She knew she was a princess, and so did he. What a gift!

​When we walk like royalty, talk like royalty, and act like royalty and set our hearts to serve as humble benefactors, fighting for the good, defending the weak and needy, we find who we were truly made to be. Our virtue is restored. We can put the past behind us and operate more like human beings and less like animals.

​In fact, when we see ourselves truly, our world can be restored as we regain a culture of honor. That is what PurityWorks fights for, and always will.

Who doesn’t get shivers just reading that first line? (I’d like to meet you.)

Good news, parents! Once we understand that sexual integrity results from a pure heart, we recognize that we have a lot of freedom to talk about how to keep a heart clean waaaay before we start in on the birds and the bees. And it’s so easy, using a simple tool that is a key element of what we call Planned Purity: The Five Doors of the Heart.

You can make your own Five Doors poster just like the one in the picture. We make hundreds of them to use in the US and on international trips as well.

When we teach little guys and gals, we explain that our hearts have five doors, and they are our senses. They lead right to our hearts. So what we decide to let in or keep out is what makes us the kind of person we are: selfish or a servant.

Our children need the reminder to close their eyes to bad things and open them to good things. Then we can keep pointing out what those things are and explaining why as they come up. (Avoid the “big talk” misnomer and go for the “long conversation.”)

The same for the ears. We close our ears to bad things, and open them to good things. Even our preschoolers know that there are some pretty nasty song lyrics out there.

We relate the sense of smell to our breath. We honor, respect and protect anything that lives and breathes. We nurture plants, care for pets, and love on babies and old people and those who seem “different.”

Then there’s that pesky mouth. Obviously, we open our mouths to say good things and close them to keep from saying bad things. You get to define what the bad things are.

The sense of touch at this stage is as easy as a little sing-songy saying: “No hitting, no kicking, lots of hugs!” Of course, privacy can be taught, too, so that a child knows they have the right to say “no” to touch.

Have fun teaching the Five Doors to your kids, and start now. They’ve already seen and heard more than you think. And what’s cool is this:  when they get to the age of having more interest in the opposite sex, you can get the poster out again, and use the s-e-x word.

But that's another blog.  :)

Failure is part of how we learn. The earlier we come to terms with that, the better we’ll do. The quicker we learn to brush ourselves off, make restitution, and move on, the quicker we’ll find a better option.

As a parent, it’s not always easy, though. Watching your child fail is painful. And as they get older, there’s a tendency to take it personally. DON’T. Your child is still learning and so are you. (If you’re not experiencing failures any longer, let me know—I’d like to hear how you tell THAT story.)

Thus, it’s easy to see our kids do something surprising, disappointing, or outright wrong and think they’ve gone off the deep end—or WE have. We’ve failed as parents, they’ve failed as our children … and in no area is this more important than in the pursuit of purity.

What if your child “fails”? What if they look at porn, send a sext, sneak out of the house, get drunk (while they’re underage), have premarital sex? Chances are, they will. In our culture, it’s very rarely a question of “if.”

So when your angelic child totally changes things up, remind yourself that they are learning. It will help you calm down and not take it personally. Then take a deep breath, and DON’T say …

1.     “I can’t believe you did this!” Really? Maybe you’ve been raising something other than a human being. People are curious. One of your repeated “nos” may likely result in some kind of “I wonder if it’s really that bad” curiosity. And some personalities just have to touch the stove because they’re not sure it’s TRULY hot and will send them to the ER for burn treatment. And burn treatment, though painful, is a powerful lesson learned.

2.     “How could you?” Again, congratulations. You have a real human on your hands. They could because they so wanted to know what it was like. They wanted to experience it. Isn’t that what real living is? Pretty valuable in a low-touch, high-tech culture, even if the results aren’t what we expect. And those results teach a lesson when we seek to engage and talk it over.

3.     Scream, yell and curse. Reinforces the popular belief that parents are crazy or know very little. Breathe. Walk away. Explain that you need to get your emotions in check before you say more. Remind yourself that the same tiny, innocent baby you brought home is still in there somewhere.

4.     Say nothing. Only if you want them to think you condone their behavior, or don’t care. Your child needs and wants your input. Believe it or not, studies show that your child would rather hear the truth from you than any other source. Now is your chance! Seek to understand and then instruct.

5.     “Don’t you have a brain in your head?!” Yes, they do! And it’s probably developing normally. Give it some time. The pre-frontal cortex is still finishing up its development at 24 or 25.

At the point when your child does something hard for you to handle, remember: this is your greatest opportunity to do something positive for them. Not that there won’t be consequences. But there should be mature conversation first, led by a (supposedly mature) adult who is holding back on the emotion and seeking to understand.

And by the way, I can only write this post because I’ve said ALL these wrong things. 52 and still failing. Still learning.

AND NOW:

Some right things:

“I’m really proud of you for being honest enough to tell me.”

“I can see you’re really curious about that. Let’s make some time to talk about it.”

“Wow, that’s intense. I’m not sure what to say except to remind you that I love you no matter what. Can you tell me about what happened?” (Never assume you know exactly what happened. You almost never do.)

“You’re mature enough to be ready to learn about this. Can you tell me what you know and what you’d like to know?”

And the no-brainer: “I love you. Always. No matter what.”