Christian Parenting: PurityWorks by Jennie Bishop
  • Home
  • About
    • Meet Jennie
    • PurityWorks >
      • Planned Purity
      • Five Doors
    • Blog
    • FAQs
  • Media
    • Videos
    • Photos
  • Nicaragua
    • The Kings of Sabaneta
  • DONATE
  • Books
  • Contact Us

When Good Kids Go Bad: 5 Things NOT to Say

5/11/2015

0 Comments

 
Picture
Failure is part of how we learn. The earlier we come to terms with that, the better we’ll do. The quicker we learn to brush ourselves off, make restitution, and move on, the quicker we’ll find a better option.

As a parent, it’s not always easy, though. Watching your child fail is painful. And as they get older, there’s a tendency to take it personally. DON’T. Your child is still learning and so are you. (If you’re not experiencing failures any longer, let me know—I’d like to hear how you tell THAT story.)

Thus, it’s easy to see our kids do something surprising, disappointing, or outright wrong and think they’ve gone off the deep end—or WE have. We’ve failed as parents, they’ve failed as our children … and in no area is this more important than in the pursuit of purity.

What if your child “fails”? What if they look at porn, send a sext, sneak out of the house, get drunk (while they’re underage), have premarital sex? Chances are, they will. In our culture, it’s very rarely a question of “if.”

So when your angelic child totally changes things up, remind yourself that they are learning. It will help you calm down and not take it personally. Then take a deep breath, and DON’T say …

1.     “I can’t believe you did this!” Really? Maybe you’ve been raising something other than a human being. People are curious. One of your repeated “nos” may likely result in some kind of “I wonder if it’s really that bad” curiosity. And some personalities just have to touch the stove because they’re not sure it’s TRULY hot and will send them to the ER for burn treatment. And burn treatment, though painful, is a powerful lesson learned.

2.     “How could you?” Again, congratulations. You have a real human on your hands. They could because they so wanted to know what it was like. They wanted to experience it. Isn’t that what real living is? Pretty valuable in a low-touch, high-tech culture, even if the results aren’t what we expect. And those results teach a lesson when we seek to engage and talk it over.

3.     Scream, yell and curse. Reinforces the popular belief that parents are crazy or know very little. Breathe. Walk away. Explain that you need to get your emotions in check before you say more. Remind yourself that the same tiny, innocent baby you brought home is still in there somewhere.

4.     Say nothing. Only if you want them to think you condone their behavior, or don’t care. Your child needs and wants your input. Believe it or not, studies show that your child would rather hear the truth from you than any other source. Now is your chance! Seek to understand and then instruct.

5.     “Don’t you have a brain in your head?!” Yes, they do! And it’s probably developing normally. Give it some time. The pre-frontal cortex is still finishing up its development at 24 or 25.

At the point when your child does something hard for you to handle, remember: this is your greatest opportunity to do something positive for them. Not that there won’t be consequences. But there should be mature conversation first, led by a (supposedly mature) adult who is holding back on the emotion and seeking to understand.

And by the way, I can only write this post because I’ve said ALL these wrong things. 52 and still failing. Still learning.

AND NOW:

Some right things:

“I’m really proud of you for being honest enough to tell me.”

“I can see you’re really curious about that. Let’s make some time to talk about it.”

“Wow, that’s intense. I’m not sure what to say except to remind you that I love you no matter what. Can you tell me about what happened?” (Never assume you know exactly what happened. You almost never do.)

“You’re mature enough to be ready to learn about this. Can you tell me what you know and what you’d like to know?”

And the no-brainer: “I love you. Always. No matter what.”
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Follow Us

    Get Blog Posts by Email:

    Archives

    June 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014

    Categories

    All
    Boys
    Children
    Clothing
    Culture
    Families
    Fathers
    Girls
    Hate Pornography
    Honor
    Internet Safety
    Marriage
    Married Sex
    Media
    Modesty
    Parenting
    Planned Purity
    Purity
    Technology
    Virtue
    Women

    RSS Feed

Home  |  About  |  Media  |  Blog  |  Store  |  Contact Us  |  Donate

PurityWorks E-letter


PurityWorks-Logo
Email Us

Picture
Sign up to receive the the PurityWorks electronic newsletter with tips, training and news from our mission efforts in Nicaragua and worldwide.
E-letter Sign Up

© 2014-15 PurityWorks - All Rights Reserved  | International Speaker and Author Jennie Bishop
Store icons created from work by Freepik; licensed under CC BY 3.0
New-Sky-Websites