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Are Children Losers? Ten Ways to Help Them Win

3/3/2015

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Author Jennie Bishop, Children, Parenting, Married Sex
Children are undoubtedly amazing. But they are losing ground when it comes to the circumstances of their birth, parenting and development. The following blog suggests ten ways to bring the issue of the well-being of children into conversations that have to do with sexual issues at home or in adult conversations.

1. Sexual trafficking is one of the most popular causes to work against today. Include the issue of children born into those circumstances in conversation about the subject. What happens to the children of prostitutes? The possibilities should move us to compassion and action instead of never being mentioned.

2. When teaching our kids about "saving sex for marriage," we can make it clear that an important reason for abstinence is not to "prevent pregnancy" (as though it is a disease), but to be ready to make a safe family for a child that will likely be conceived. Every child deserves a home with a committed, loving mom and dad.

3. When we talk about the rights of gay couples, we can discuss the well-being of the child they may wish to adopt. Such a child is conceived by a mother and father but not raised by the two genders. Be brave and discuss the child's welfare.

4. Serve single moms. Set an example and let your kids help. Have an age-appropriate discussion about why single parenting is so hard. It's simply easier to raise a child with both parents and the child in one house. Don't speak out of judgment, but discuss the obvious difficulties and SERVE those going it alone.

5. Connect sexual activity with babies. Our children will most likely be exposed to some form of "making out" via modern media. Do they know that desire leads to baby-making? Many of today's adolescents don't even connect the two. Talk about using self-control and distance to protect a beautiful future child and family, not just virginity.

6. Connect children and adults with the fact that they were once babies. Obvious, of course - but consider the incredible gravity of considering that babies are constantly growing into US. They are small adults. They will order and create the world to come. Their early formative years are of paramount importance in their personalities and choices as adults. Let's remind each other.

7. Point out families with babies often. What are they doing to take care of the child? Is what they're doing hard? Ask your child when they think they will be ready to be a parent. Why? Why is parenting such an important, amazing deal?

8. Let families with children go first. We can teach our children that parents who have babies work hard and deserve support.

9. Have the hard conversations when families set bad examples. It's natural that such behavior may upset both you and your child. Talk about it. Why might the parent or child have behaved that way (we all have bad days)? Pray for parent(s) and child(ren) you saw. Talk about what actions would have been better. How might you feel if you became a parent but didn't plan to be?

10. Give to help children. Adults can often help themselves, but children can't. Give to your favorite children's charity, or sponsor a child through Compassion, or provide for a needy child in a local family.


Children don't have to be losers. We can help make them winners if we simply keep bringing them into our conversations. Especially when we're talking about our "sexual freedom," we can make the point that our adult lives aren't the only ones involved. We need to think of the little people. Our passion for the well-being of children will always reflect the health of our own hearts, and of our society as a whole.

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Pure Until...

5/8/2014

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I’ve heard a lot of teens say proudly, “I’m going to stay pure until I’m married!”

What then?

Hmm. Seems no one knows. Well, we know a little. We know we won’t be unfaithful. We know it will finally be okay to have sex.

But we need some more conversation … about the sex we’re going to have, and what we’re waiting for that’s so great, and the requirements of caring for a spouse sexually.

Purity in marriage is about being intentionally, actively sexual.

Should I type that again?

Purity in marriage is about being intentionally, actively sexual.

“Well, of course!” the teen says. “When I get married I get to have sex as much as I want!”

To a point, that’s true. But is marriage simply for sexual license? What about when someone is sick or has a (real) headache? What about birth control practices that one spouse appreciates and the other doesn’t? And what happens if sex becomes a boring “have-to” instead of a joyful “get-to”? (A teenager may not believe that could ever happen, but it happens all the time.) In fact, it’s very likely that the honeymoon isn’t quite that, and that great sex happens with time and practice.

Really.

Sex is an ongoing intimate conversation. Most husbands need it like water. (Wives who don’t have sex regularly aren’t so healthy, either.) And many wives don’t understand how they can devastate a husband by belittling him because of his desires. Husbands forget romance and may make wives feel taken for granted.

Sexual purity in marriage is based on openness, joy, and the freedom to say “please” or “no” from time to time without fear of being misunderstood. And it involves being mature enough to say, “Maybe not tonight because we’re not feeling ready for parenting quite yet.” (Natural Family Planning—so much better than other options!)

Planning to stay pure until marriage? Or for a lifetime, including AFTER marriage? The lifetime goal is only reachable with the understanding of the practice of vibrant, fun, comforting, beautiful, crazy, communicative, active sex with a spouse. Women practice being intentional and available. Men try to be sensitive and keep the romance going. And both have to work at it.

See? There’s a lot more than just “now we can have sex and no one will tell us not to.” Whether that conversation takes place in an ongoing way or a few days before a wedding, it should take place. It’s not always such a perfect transition from abstinence to married sex, or from past experiences to committed marriage.

Our kids deserve some very real conversation in this regard. What’s your plan for passing on this information? (Giving them a book alone is the wrong answer.)

Think about it. What do you wish someone would have told you? It’s part of planning for purity.

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