At the risk of causing alliterative anxiety, let me say this: Planned Purity is simply proactive parenting.

At the sight of a newborn baby, very few parents think of the importance of forming the child’s heart. Yet this is the key to avoiding so many problems as a full-grown human develops.
We serve meals, we change diapers, we (try to) instigate a sleeping pattern, we potty train, we introduce foods, we teach the use of utensils, proper dress, physical health and even well-being.

But many of us have not been taught to tend a child’s heart. And that is proactive parenting.

By paying attention to all our child’s outer, basic needs, we are not parenting. We could do the same for anyone, or even a pet. But a child needs an internal compass.

Some parents use stories to teach selflessness, the difference between right and wrong, the joy and necessity of serving, how to act honorably, practicing honesty, the purpose and pride that comes from a strong work ethic, etc. There’s much wisdom in this, as it was Jesus’ main way of teaching. His parables can still form good-hearted people today.

Our personal examples, however, are even more powerful—life-changing, in fact.

The Five Doors of the Heart were created to help. What we choose to look at, what we choose to listen to, how we choose to honor life, what we say (or don’t) and how we touch--this input moves through feeding tubes to the heart, creating us from the inside out. As a wise person once put it, there is a black dog and a white dog fighting within. When asked which one was winning, the person replied, “Whichever one I am feeding.”

The Five Doors can be taught in the complete context of Planned Purity. The emphases can be specific to the preschool years, then the elementary years, then the teen years, the single years and/or the married years, preparing us to leave a legacy of goodness, truth and beauty. But without that foundation, we fumble through life, wondering where healthy lines are drawn.

Give your child (and yourself) the gift of a well-tended heart from the time they are small. Don’t despair if they are older. Set the example in yourself now, before it’s too late. Begin with the transformation that can only come from God. Ask him to give you the clean heart to begin with. Then maintain that heart with good choices and a great deal of grace as you ask for forgiveness in times of struggle and failure.

​But give yourself to virtue. Give yourself to truth. And give the same to your children. You will receive the gift of being a less reactive parent with a child that understands the importance of a pure heart and true goodness. Purity works. It’s as simple as that.

Some folks have asked why I pursue international missions work. Isn’t there enough to do here at home?

​Do you remember the scene in the old version of The Grinch Who Stole Christmas where the Grinch’s poor dog Max pulls a sleigh full of toys from Whoville to the top of Mt. Crumpet … to dump it?

It’s the climax of the story, and as the sleigh hangs impossibly over the edge, slipping bit by bit, the Whos begin to sing their strange and winsome Christmas song. This music transforms the Grinch as he realizes that Christmas is not just about the gifts, but “a little bit more.”

In fact, the Grinch’s heart is changed. Geisel writes that “the Grinch’s small heart grew three sizes that day.” At this point in the animated story, a little x-ray screen appears over the Grinch’s heart, and we see the heart expand until it pops the frame of the x-ray screen apart. The Grinch is imbued with superhuman strength, and picks up the sleigh, turns it around, and rushes back down the mountain to deliver the stolen toys to their owners.

This is what happens to me every time I travel to other countries to share my story and message of purity and the Five Doors of the Heart, to drop off children’s books or do parent conferences or attend rite-of-passage ceremonies.

Entering another culture is a great privilege. As the Grinch found out, it’s transformative. When he tried to force the Whos to operate his way, he was a mean one. But the Whos helped him see something important very differently.

Our last week was spent with the Herrera family (above) in Jinotepe and Granada, Nicaragua. The Herreras are like family to me after three visits and being offered hospitality in their home. I have learned more about what a healthy family looks like from them than any other family I know.

I’ve also been able to encourage them and help with connections to strengthen their wonderful efforts to care for the hungry and care for glue addicts and others without purpose in a country most people don’t even know exists.

This week we are in Managua with girls rescued from garbage dumps at Villa Esperanza, and then we drive to El Salvador’s capitol to attend a rite-of-passage ceremony with 50 girls there. Their church put on a play of The Princess and the Kiss and had a crowd of 800 attend (they expected 200). Then the church leaders decided to pursue doing the Life Lessons follow-up to the children’s story with the girls.

It will be my great honor to attend this event and to speak to the youth and church in San Salvador. My heart will grow another size.

There is no doubt that there is plenty to do at home when it comes to helping people. Unfortunately, America doesn’t have all the answers. Sometimes the greatest wisdom and even help for getting a message across in the States comes from getting OUT of the States for awhile and opening our hearts.

That’s why I keep answering the call to international work. No matter where the good is done, it makes a difference, as we share our own strange, sweet songs that echo across culture. These notes of service and connection strengthen me and my friends in other countries to lift the heavy load of the work we do “at home.”

My heart still has room for lots of sizes. I’m looking forward to snapping the frame of the x-ray screen in San Salvador—again. If your frame has never been broken, I’d strongly suggest the same for you. Getting outside your box may put you in a place you never dreamed of, as you carry burdens you thought you could not, and feel the wind in your hair as you rush down the mountainside, bearing gifts.

​Let me tell you a story.
 
When I wrote this story for children in 1999, I had no idea what I was getting into. All I knew was that my kindergartener had come home saying she needed a boyfriend because all her girlfriends had one. I knew how to write stories, and so the answer to my frantic prayer that night ("Help!") came in the form of one.
 
Since then, the book has sold over 350,000 copies, and as a classic "fairy tale," will likely be a favorite for generations. It's been presented in every format you can imagine - ballet, expert puppetry, readers' theater, drama and musical, not just here, but in foreign countries as well.
 
But the most recent genre - a documentary - has been an unexpected and delightful surprise.
 
A Courtship is a film by Amy Kohn that presents the story of a young woman who decides that she wants to wait for God to show her a husband instead of looking for one herself. The story begins with The Princess and the Kiss being read to her. She ends up in tears because she's already given her first kiss away, and determines to make a fresh start and save her kiss for the man she will marry.
 
Because her parents think this idea is crazy, she enlists the help of another couple to pray for her and "vet" any guy who might approach her. I don't know the whole story, because only the trailer is available until November 17 (although the movie can be pre-purchased through iTunes right now), but I'm excited to see it.
 
In our hyper-sexualized, hookup culture, some of us recognize that something is sadly out of whack. Shouldn't there be a better way of doing relationships?
 
From the opposite angle, I've been heartbroken over the stories of parents using The Princess as a way to "guilt" their kids into sexual purity, i.e. "If you don't save yourself (or even your actual kiss) until marriage, you're damaged goods."
 
This cruel lie has astonished me. Aren't Christian people saved by grace? How ludicrous it is not to practice that same grace towards our own children! Thus, the ideal of the story must be tempered by the truth of second chances and new beginnings. And that's exactly what the young woman in this story chooses.
 
Though I do not view this strict method of "courting" as the only option for relationships, I'm delighted by the conversation it will create. The way much of society approaches relationships now is chaotic, destructive and selfish. We can do so much better. That's why Planned Purity gives parents other options, begging them to PLAN from a child's youngest years, starting with tending a heart of virtue, reminding them that grace and forgiveness must be practiced as an evolving family strategy is crafted for lives of sexual integrity and respect.