Children are undoubtedly amazing. But they are losing ground when it comes to the circumstances of their birth, parenting and development. The following blog suggests ten ways to bring the issue of the well-being of children into conversations that have to do with sexual issues at home or in adult conversations.

1. Sexual trafficking is one of the most popular causes to work against today. Include the issue of children born into those circumstances in conversation about the subject. What happens to the children of prostitutes? The possibilities should move us to compassion and action instead of never being mentioned.

2. When teaching our kids about "saving sex for marriage," we can make it clear that an important reason for abstinence is not to "prevent pregnancy" (as though it is a disease), but to be ready to make a safe family for a child that will likely be conceived. Every child deserves a home with a committed, loving mom and dad.

3. When we talk about the rights of gay couples, we can discuss the well-being of the child they may wish to adopt. Such a child is conceived by a mother and father but not raised by the two genders. Be brave and discuss the child's welfare.

4. Serve single moms. Set an example and let your kids help. Have an age-appropriate discussion about why single parenting is so hard. It's simply easier to raise a child with both parents and the child in one house. Don't speak out of judgment, but discuss the obvious difficulties and SERVE those going it alone.

5. Connect sexual activity with babies. Our children will most likely be exposed to some form of "making out" via modern media. Do they know that desire leads to baby-making? Many of today's adolescents don't even connect the two. Talk about using self-control and distance to protect a beautiful future child and family, not just virginity.

6. Connect children and adults with the fact that they were once babies. Obvious, of course - but consider the incredible gravity of considering that babies are constantly growing into US. They are small adults. They will order and create the world to come. Their early formative years are of paramount importance in their personalities and choices as adults. Let's remind each other.

7. Point out families with babies often. What are they doing to take care of the child? Is what they're doing hard? Ask your child when they think they will be ready to be a parent. Why? Why is parenting such an important, amazing deal?

8. Let families with children go first. We can teach our children that parents who have babies work hard and deserve support.

9. Have the hard conversations when families set bad examples. It's natural that such behavior may upset both you and your child. Talk about it. Why might the parent or child have behaved that way (we all have bad days)? Pray for parent(s) and child(ren) you saw. Talk about what actions would have been better. How might you feel if you became a parent but didn't plan to be?

10. Give to help children. Adults can often help themselves, but children can't. Give to your favorite children's charity, or sponsor a child through Compassion, or provide for a needy child in a local family.


Children don't have to be losers. We can help make them winners if we simply keep bringing them into our conversations. Especially when we're talking about our "sexual freedom," we can make the point that our adult lives aren't the only ones involved. We need to think of the little people. Our passion for the well-being of children will always reflect the health of our own hearts, and of our society as a whole.

I’m more and more distressed by the “modesty wars” and “modesty snobbery” going on. As always, modesty is a heart issue, as much for the person doing the wearing as for the person doing the observing. 

A man is responsible for his eyes and how he looks at a woman—as an object or a person. A woman has the same responsibility, especially as she comments on other women’s modesty. 

The heart of a critical woman may be far more selfish than the “immodest” woman being commented upon.

I don’t believe modesty is about strict wardrobe rules. Why?

• Everybody’s bodies aren’t the same.
  Some women have cleavage up to their neck. Others don’t have any at all. Neither is better. Both are beautiful. Dress according to what you may advertise. (It’s hard to pay attention to someone talking when their breasts are over-exposed.) Legs are different, so “fingertip length” will look very different from one gal to the next. Consider where you want others to look.
  

• Everybody’s living circumstances aren’t the same.
  Some live at the beach. It’s hot there. Swimsuits are the norm. The sun feels good. “Modest bikinis” can be practical—but they don’t cover any more than underwear does, and it would be wise not to forget the fact. Consider the appropriateness of wearing them at the beach vs. walking into Walmart.
  

• All occasions aren’t the same.
  Obviously, going to the beach calls for different apparel than going to a funeral. And working in the garden calls for leaning over that isn’t necessary at a nice dinner function. Elegant apparel calls for more elegant manners.
  
  A group of women who had breasts removed due to cancer did a photo shoot to make a statement about what was “beautiful” for them. Some viewers called the women courageous; others called them immodest. Can we decide for woman in such a position, fighting for such a cause? Just a question.

• All cultures aren’t the same.
  Some African women don’t cover their breasts at all, and that is acceptable in their society. Muslim women cover themselves from head to toe. Between those extremes, there are many levels of modesty and many perspectives on what is appropriate. Often overseas missions efforts require T-shirt coverage and long skirts, which is respectful to the local culture. The key seems to be how we respect others and how we value ourselves, not a crazy-strict set of standards.
  

• All attitudes aren’t the same.
  The same person can wear the same clothes and look modest or immodest, just because of his/her eyes. A geisha who is completely covered can capture a man’s glance with a turn of her wrist as she serves tea.
  
  Carriage speaks loudly, too. We often forget the value of poise, which is good for the body as well as the reputation. We were made to stand straight up. If we sit with our legs open in a short skirt, we are inviting stares. If we slouch, our necklines gape. It’s just good manners to plan and practice poise accordingly.

None of these aspects of modesty fit within a strict wardrobe plan. Even what I share here has limits and exceptions. Modesty is not black and white.

We are more than bodies. We have brains. We need less blaming and shaming and more common sense. We deserve respect, no matter our clothing choices.

Dressing appropriately, being reasonably modest, and having grace towards each other keeps our hearts in order and keeps us from unhealthy comparisons.

Look beyond the clothes to the person. What does the person need? How can we build a bridge to “see” them instead of avoiding them because of their wrapping or lack thereof?

If purity is about the heart first, let’s start there. Are we prepared to walk with others no matter their choices in clothing? That is the key question that reveals the purity of our hearts.