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Sexy: the New Beautiful?

4/27/2015

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Being beautiful as a woman has always involved some sensuality, because that’s who we are. A woman without sensuality is not a woman.

But today’s approach to beauty for all ages is often outright sexual. No arousal, not sexy. Not sexy, not beautiful.

What a shame for a strong, smart, powerful woman of so much potential to be reduced to body parts for the purpose of sexual attention.

Our highly sexualized and objectifying culture has determined that we are all objects of desire (thank you, mainstream pornography). The very definition of pornography is that it has the purpose of arousing, and we so easily fall prey to becoming subjects of this kingdom.

And there’s no doubt it can be fun to play the game. We love the feeling of desire and being desired.

It’s like the ocean. We love to surf. We love to swim. But if we don’t respect the ocean, we can drown. Desire involves a very similar danger.

True beauty involves some mystery, a delight, a uniqueness. It’s expressed in a confidence coming from that awareness of being completely different from anyone else who ever lived. It’s not even as much about clothes as attitude. There is a safety in innocent beauty that makes a woman absolutely fearless.

Yet this beauty is blighted and ruined by attempts to add-on a “sex sells” aspect. That’s cheap marketing none of us deserve. Removing innocence from beauty takes a bite from the apple and the flesh begins to brown.

I’m not for sale and neither are you. We are women, not objects or body parts alone. Beauty and sexy can coexist beautifully in the context of marriage. But sexy alone is for arousal, whether it results in just a tease, a “come to me” look, or intimate sexual interaction.

Beauty itself is powerful. It can be used selfishly or be a method of drawing attention to something greater than outward appearances. Our heart’s condition will determine which path we choose when it comes to our personal beauty.

It’s time for a fresh start with our pursuit of beauty. We can make a choice not to be a part of our objectifying culture. We can embrace more personal style and mystery and leave the conformist bandwagon.

And we can make that old-fashioned commitment to save the sexy from here on out for marriage. But that doesn’t EVER mean we shouldn’t be beautiful. In fact, we should be wildly, fiercely beautiful women, embracing our gender and our femininity in all its diversity. Beauty can be a beautiful weapon against “green baloney” sexiness and objectification.

I, for one, am ready for the change. How about you?
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RITES OF PASSAGE: Best-Kept Secret Weapon of Parenting

4/14/2015

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American children seem to have so few rites of passage. Why?


Boys have the least. And the ones they do have aren't usually noble-their first beer, their first joint, their first sexual experience, for example. Many boys don't know what it means to make the transition from boyhood to manhood, except that mom and dad are nagging them to get off the couch and find a job. And "failure to launch" is epidemic.


Hispanic cultures love ceremony, and I think they're onto something. A girl's quinceanera is a kind of coming-out party to show she is now a young woman. In a small village in the Dominican Republic this week we worked with a local missionary to host a rite of passage ceremony mostly geared towards the elementary children. The kids had read The Princess and the Kiss and The Squire and the Scroll and completed a basic study of the virtues.


I have attended these ceremonies for years as the author of these children's books, and seen the same thing in tiny third-world villages as in highly manicured backyards or even castles. Rites of passage change children's lives forever.


In our ceremony this week, those children who had mastered a basic understanding of virtue and nobility were rewarded in a formal ceremony. Girls were crowned as royalty and given a ring and a storybook of their own. Boys knelt and were knighted by an actor wearing the medallion you see above (with a real sword!), and given a crown and shield to symbolize their royalty and roles as protectors. Then we had some really good cake!


Each child's name was called. Each child had meaningful, simple words read over them. Each child was congratulated and applauded. And those children are not the same anymore after being formally, publicly honored and challenged to be honorable in their community. As they are reminded of this event (and perhaps others), they will be challenged again and again to reach for goodness, truth and beauty.


As an author, it's amazing to see a story come to life. In The Squire and the Scroll, we tied our ceremony in with the Knights of the Lantern in the book. But even better than seeing a book come to life is to see a child come to life-to recognize their place in a community and the vital need to act honorably-and to take that very seriously.


PurityWorks rites of passage are only one way to accomplish this. If you'd like to see what we did in the DR, like the Facebook page PurityWorks Trips to see the pictures and the ceremony. The photos are amazing! And www.purityworks.org can show you what else we do in the family and parent training arenas.


Have you planned any kind of rite of passage for your child yet?


Start thinking about it now. It can happen when they're six, or eight, or twelve, or sixteen ... anytime, for almost any reason you want. They can be simple or intricately planned. They can involve the family, friends, church or just a parent and child. They simply need to celebrate your child.


These unforgettable events are the stepping stones to a life of confidence, nobility, honor and service. They are the seeds that grow into a mature purity that works!

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