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Unconditional Respect

1/12/2016

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I am reading the delightful book Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs for the second time, something I almost never do when it comes to books I read for self-help. I believe his coining of the phrase “unconditional respect” is groundbreaking and a key factor in healthy marriages, including my own.

We’ve often heard of “unconditional love.” In fact, I’ve learned that if love is conditional, it really isn’t love at all. It simply makes for a shaky relationship of convenience. Once feelings cool or certain expectations aren’t met, all bets are off. That’s why marriage is a covenant relationship of unconditional love—it’s not meant to be broken. As two bags of sand are poured together and the grains cannot be sorted again, so is marriage meant to be a promise we keep, for better or for worse, in sickness or in health.

That’s a hard promise. But we can make it easier. As wives, a huge key is practicing unconditional respect.

That means just what it says. No excuses. Many of us respond quickly with words like, “How can I respect him when he …?” And truly, if we are in circumstances where abuse is involved, separation may be necessary, at least for a time. But even if separated, we are required to respect. That’s our part of the covenant, and part of our responsibility as people of faith.
Our husbands, on the other hand, are charged with loving unconditionally (that’s something that comes to us ladies more naturally). They’re even supposed to be willing to die for us. But that’s their own responsibility. We can’t make them do anything.

I’m talking about us women in this blog. And our charge is clear. We must respect, no matter what.

That doesn’t mean we condone obviously wrong actions or allow ourselves to be doormats. But it does mean that we look for every single opportunity to show respect to our men and build them up.

When an addict of any type is shamed, it only pushes them back into their addiction for comfort. Don’t fall into that trap! Be the woman who can’t be resisted because of her kind words and unconditional respect. Pull him towards you and away from his behavior that only leaves him empty. And train yourself to be that woman. Take full responsibility for your own weaknesses, and overcome them. Have grace to forgive yourself, but have no tolerance for sloppy love or respect. This is a war for your marriage, not a war between you and your husband. Fight for your marriage with love and respect, not with arguments and attacks.

One of my friends and I talk about the necessity of giving love and respect “like medicine.” There may be no gushy feelings behind the actions, but we still do the loving thing, the respectful thing, because we know it’s best for us, our husbands, and the marriage.

No matter what your husband is doing, I challenge you to act respectfully towards him anyway. I challenge you to smile and remember what you love about him, what drew you together. Plant seeds of love and respect and you will get the same. Plant seeds of contempt, and … you see my point.

Unconditional respect works. Tell your husband why you respect him today. Then keep doing it. And doing it, And doing it. Amazing shifts can result that may make the difference between your marriage’s survival or ruin.

​Recommended reading: Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs
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True Identity

10/5/2015

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Sitting in a gazebo all weekend at a local family event, I got to do a lot of people-watching. The most enjoyable part was seeing people use our standees for pictures (above). An old-fashioned carnival kind of attraction, these forms where kids (and adults) could stick their faces in and get a picture were an irresistible draw to our booth.

Since we had The Princess and the Kiss, The Squire and the Scroll and The Three Gifts of Christmas available for kids, we also had a table of toys – a plastic sword, a tiara, a dragon and a mirror with a crown built in to make the viewer an instant princess.

It’s always fun to take on an imaginary identity – we love masquerade parties and dressing up like superheroes. But when PurityWorks hosts a Planned Purity event, even our simple interactive play is designed to draw participants back to their TRUE identity.

We are royalty.

We were made for honor, nobility, service, goodness, truth and beauty, nothing less. Boys and men are meant to be protectors. That’s why the Squire sets out to conquer a dragon and free a kingdom.

​Girls and women are meant to be treasures. That’s why the Princess courageously saves her kiss for a Prince and no less.

We were made to care for others more than ourselves. That’s why the little princess in The Three Gifts ends up giving her Christmas gifts away.

Unfortunately, our dangerous world coaxes boys into being predators and girls into being willing targets. It teaches us that we should selfishly pursue everything and enjoy instant gratification without self-control. This foolishness must stop immediately, and we must fight
​our own personal battles with all our hearts to change it, checking ourselves and putting others first.


Nonetheless, this weekend I saw many people step into their true identities and smile – even one older lady and her husband. She knew she was a princess, and so did he. What a gift!
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​When we walk like royalty, talk like royalty, and act like royalty and set our hearts to serve as humble benefactors, fighting for the good, defending the weak and needy, we find who we were truly made to be. Our virtue is restored. We can put the past behind us and operate more like human beings and less like animals.

​In fact, when we see ourselves truly, our world can be restored as we regain a culture of honor. That is what PurityWorks fights for, and always will.
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5 Ways to Protect Adult Innocence

3/17/2015

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The first question that comes to mind may be—“What IS that?” After all, innocence is something we associate with children. But adults actually stand out when they intentionally practice innocence. Not that it doesn’t take hard work, and it certainly isn’t all about sexual innocence alone.

Innocence isn’t about never making mistakes, either, but about receiving grace to begin again, knowing that second chances are available.

Think about adults you know that display this super-attractive quality. What is it about them? And how do you get the same innocence yourself? Here are five suggestions based on the Five Doors of the Heart:

1.  Evaluate what you watch. Do you assess your screen time and content? Do you look at others with respect and compassion, or as objects for your use and benefit?

2.  Think about what (and who) you listen to. Do you listen to hours of negative or sad song lyrics? What are friends or family saying that helps or hurts you?

3.  Treat living things with kindness. Are you intentional in practicing kindness and in habits of giving, protecting or nurturing? Or is life mostly about you?

4.  Control your mouth. Are you speaking positively and steering clear of vulgarity and blaming? Or do you speak to get attention and power?

5.  Touch with great care. Sexual integrity is far from out of fashion. Do you treat touch as a privilege or as a right? Do you touch out of kindness or selfish gratification? Do you consider the families involved, or just you?

Innocence is beautiful in a child and in a grown-up. Take some time to review your adult habits today and think about how you might return to some more innocent practices. You and the world around you will be a better place because of it—guaranteed!
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