​Let me tell you a story.
 
When I wrote this story for children in 1999, I had no idea what I was getting into. All I knew was that my kindergartener had come home saying she needed a boyfriend because all her girlfriends had one. I knew how to write stories, and so the answer to my frantic prayer that night ("Help!") came in the form of one.
 
Since then, the book has sold over 350,000 copies, and as a classic "fairy tale," will likely be a favorite for generations. It's been presented in every format you can imagine - ballet, expert puppetry, readers' theater, drama and musical, not just here, but in foreign countries as well.
 
But the most recent genre - a documentary - has been an unexpected and delightful surprise.
 
A Courtship is a film by Amy Kohn that presents the story of a young woman who decides that she wants to wait for God to show her a husband instead of looking for one herself. The story begins with The Princess and the Kiss being read to her. She ends up in tears because she's already given her first kiss away, and determines to make a fresh start and save her kiss for the man she will marry.
 
Because her parents think this idea is crazy, she enlists the help of another couple to pray for her and "vet" any guy who might approach her. I don't know the whole story, because only the trailer is available until November 17 (although the movie can be pre-purchased through iTunes right now), but I'm excited to see it.
 
In our hyper-sexualized, hookup culture, some of us recognize that something is sadly out of whack. Shouldn't there be a better way of doing relationships?
 
From the opposite angle, I've been heartbroken over the stories of parents using The Princess as a way to "guilt" their kids into sexual purity, i.e. "If you don't save yourself (or even your actual kiss) until marriage, you're damaged goods."
 
This cruel lie has astonished me. Aren't Christian people saved by grace? How ludicrous it is not to practice that same grace towards our own children! Thus, the ideal of the story must be tempered by the truth of second chances and new beginnings. And that's exactly what the young woman in this story chooses.
 
Though I do not view this strict method of "courting" as the only option for relationships, I'm delighted by the conversation it will create. The way much of society approaches relationships now is chaotic, destructive and selfish. We can do so much better. That's why Planned Purity gives parents other options, begging them to PLAN from a child's youngest years, starting with tending a heart of virtue, reminding them that grace and forgiveness must be practiced as an evolving family strategy is crafted for lives of sexual integrity and respect.

A little girl goes to a friend’s home to play. Instead of playing with dolls, the two girls hide away in the closet and watch hard-core porn on the family’s iPad.

Is the fact that the iPad was not password-protected the biggest mistake her parents made?

No.

Smart parents understand that the Internet is a dangerous place for kids. To protect their children’s developing minds, they install filters on their computers and password protect mobile devices.

They may even reach out to other parents to make sure they are doing the same.

Their biggest mistake? To think they’ve done enough.

So if a parent has already installed Internet filters, what else can they do to protect their kids? The answer: Teach them to install their own internal filter.

With more and more kids getting exposed on school computers, an internal filter is crucial.

What's an Internal Filter?

It’s the understanding of what pornography is, how it affects the brain, and an action plan to use when kids are innocently exposed to it.
​
Here are three steps to help your kids install their own filter.

1. Define the word pornography.
2. Explain that viewing pornography can hurt their brain (just like drugs).
3. Give them an action plan to use when they see sexually explicit media.​​​

Define Pornography

​​Some parents shy away from even saying the word pornography, but that just gives it more power. 

Jill Manning, PhD, author of What's the Big Deal About Pornography? A Guide for the Internet Generation and an expert who has testified before Congress on the dangers of pornography, advises parents to define the term so kids are clear about what we want them to avoid.

“Being clear on what pornography is and how to recognize it is the first step to protecting ourselves.”

​Let’s bring this darkness out into the light without apology or shame. For some great tips, check out How to Define Pornography for a 7-Year Old.

​Pornography Can Hurt the Brain

More and more brain research is demonstrating what mental health practitioners already know: viewing pornography can lead to a lifelong addiction that can be more difficult to overcome than addictions to drugs, alcohol or tobacco. And because kids have easy access to the internet, these addictions are beginning younger and younger.

​Recently, Valerie Voon from Cambridge University published the results of a study which showed that pornography addiction leads to the same brain activity as alcoholism or drug abuse. Another study done in Germany documented brain shrinkage in people addicted to pornography. These and many others studies are beginning to show that pornography can damage the brain just like drugs do.

What do your young kids need to know? That just like other drugs, viewing pornography can lead to brain damage and addiction. For more kid-friendly information about how pornography affects the brain (and a child’s freedom), read Hey Kids! Freedom Begins in Your Brain.

Give Your Kids an Action Plan!

This is where you get to help your kids with some specific strategies. Answer these questions to help you devise your family’s porn exposure action plan:

1. When they see it, what should they do immediately? (Shut down the device—it’s good idea to practice this drill.)
2. Who should they tell if they are ever exposed to pornography? (Kids often keep exposure to pornography a secret for a variety of reasons—encourage them to tell you and assure them that they won’t get in trouble.)
3. How can they deal with the memories of the porn exposure that keep popping up? (This is a cognitive skill—for some helpful tips, read Teach Kids Two Ways to “Forget” Porn.)

​If you’d like more ideas to help your kids proactively defend themselves against pornography, check out the best-selling read-aloud book Good Pictures Bad Pictures: Porn-Proofing Today’s Young Kids about a mom and dad who teach their child what pornography is, why it’s dangerous, and specifically how to reject it.

​I am convinced of this truth: As we face the dangers of pornography head-on, our kids won’t have to face them alone.

Please share this article with anyone you know who has young children or grandchildren. Thank you!

Sitting in a gazebo all weekend at a local family event, I got to do a lot of people-watching. The most enjoyable part was seeing people use our standees for pictures (above). An old-fashioned carnival kind of attraction, these forms where kids (and adults) could stick their faces in and get a picture were an irresistible draw to our booth.

Since we had The Princess and the Kiss, The Squire and the Scroll and The Three Gifts of Christmas available for kids, we also had a table of toys – a plastic sword, a tiara, a dragon and a mirror with a crown built in to make the viewer an instant princess.

It’s always fun to take on an imaginary identity – we love masquerade parties and dressing up like superheroes. But when PurityWorks hosts a Planned Purity event, even our simple interactive play is designed to draw participants back to their TRUE identity.

We are royalty.

We were made for honor, nobility, service, goodness, truth and beauty, nothing less. Boys and men are meant to be protectors. That’s why the Squire sets out to conquer a dragon and free a kingdom.

​Girls and women are meant to be treasures. That’s why the Princess courageously saves her kiss for a Prince and no less.

We were made to care for others more than ourselves. That’s why the little princess in The Three Gifts ends up giving her Christmas gifts away.

Unfortunately, our dangerous world coaxes boys into being predators and girls into being willing targets. It teaches us that we should selfishly pursue everything and enjoy instant gratification without self-control. This foolishness must stop immediately, and we must fight
​our own personal battles with all our hearts to change it, checking ourselves and putting others first.

Nonetheless, this weekend I saw many people step into their true identities and smile – even one older lady and her husband. She knew she was a princess, and so did he. What a gift!

​When we walk like royalty, talk like royalty, and act like royalty and set our hearts to serve as humble benefactors, fighting for the good, defending the weak and needy, we find who we were truly made to be. Our virtue is restored. We can put the past behind us and operate more like human beings and less like animals.

​In fact, when we see ourselves truly, our world can be restored as we regain a culture of honor. That is what PurityWorks fights for, and always will.