I’ve heard a lot of teens say proudly, “I’m going to stay pure until I’m married!”
What then?
Hmm. Seems no one knows. Well, we know a little. We know we won’t be unfaithful. We know it will finally be okay to have sex.
But we need some more conversation … about the sex we’re going to have, and what we’re waiting for that’s so great, and the requirements of caring for a spouse sexually.
Purity in marriage is about being intentionally, actively sexual.
Should I type that again?
Purity in marriage is about being intentionally, actively sexual.
“Well, of course!” the teen says. “When I get married I get to have sex as much as I want!”
To a point, that’s true. But is marriage simply for sexual license? What about when someone is sick or has a (real) headache? What about birth control practices that one spouse appreciates and the other doesn’t? And what happens if sex becomes a boring “have-to” instead of a joyful “get-to”? (A teenager may not believe that could ever happen, but it happens all the time.) In fact, it’s very likely that the honeymoon isn’t quite that, and that great sex happens with time and practice.
Really.
Sex is an ongoing intimate conversation. Most husbands need it like water. (Wives who don’t have sex regularly aren’t so healthy, either.) And many wives don’t understand how they can devastate a husband by belittling him because of his desires. Husbands forget romance and may make wives feel taken for granted.
Sexual purity in marriage is based on openness, joy, and the freedom to say “please” or “no” from time to time without fear of being misunderstood. And it involves being mature enough to say, “Maybe not tonight because we’re not feeling ready for parenting quite yet.” (Natural Family Planning—so much better than other options!)
Planning to stay pure until marriage? Or for a lifetime, including AFTER marriage? The lifetime goal is only reachable with the understanding of the practice of vibrant, fun, comforting, beautiful, crazy, communicative, active sex with a spouse. Women practice being intentional and available. Men try to be sensitive and keep the romance going. And both have to work at it.
See? There’s a lot more than just “now we can have sex and no one will tell us not to.” Whether that conversation takes place in an ongoing way or a few days before a wedding, it should take place. It’s not always such a perfect transition from abstinence to married sex, or from past experiences to committed marriage.
Our kids deserve some very real conversation in this regard. What’s your plan for passing on this information? (Giving them a book alone is the wrong answer.)
Think about it. What do you wish someone would have told you? It’s part of planning for purity.
What then?
Hmm. Seems no one knows. Well, we know a little. We know we won’t be unfaithful. We know it will finally be okay to have sex.
But we need some more conversation … about the sex we’re going to have, and what we’re waiting for that’s so great, and the requirements of caring for a spouse sexually.
Purity in marriage is about being intentionally, actively sexual.
Should I type that again?
Purity in marriage is about being intentionally, actively sexual.
“Well, of course!” the teen says. “When I get married I get to have sex as much as I want!”
To a point, that’s true. But is marriage simply for sexual license? What about when someone is sick or has a (real) headache? What about birth control practices that one spouse appreciates and the other doesn’t? And what happens if sex becomes a boring “have-to” instead of a joyful “get-to”? (A teenager may not believe that could ever happen, but it happens all the time.) In fact, it’s very likely that the honeymoon isn’t quite that, and that great sex happens with time and practice.
Really.
Sex is an ongoing intimate conversation. Most husbands need it like water. (Wives who don’t have sex regularly aren’t so healthy, either.) And many wives don’t understand how they can devastate a husband by belittling him because of his desires. Husbands forget romance and may make wives feel taken for granted.
Sexual purity in marriage is based on openness, joy, and the freedom to say “please” or “no” from time to time without fear of being misunderstood. And it involves being mature enough to say, “Maybe not tonight because we’re not feeling ready for parenting quite yet.” (Natural Family Planning—so much better than other options!)
Planning to stay pure until marriage? Or for a lifetime, including AFTER marriage? The lifetime goal is only reachable with the understanding of the practice of vibrant, fun, comforting, beautiful, crazy, communicative, active sex with a spouse. Women practice being intentional and available. Men try to be sensitive and keep the romance going. And both have to work at it.
See? There’s a lot more than just “now we can have sex and no one will tell us not to.” Whether that conversation takes place in an ongoing way or a few days before a wedding, it should take place. It’s not always such a perfect transition from abstinence to married sex, or from past experiences to committed marriage.
Our kids deserve some very real conversation in this regard. What’s your plan for passing on this information? (Giving them a book alone is the wrong answer.)
Think about it. What do you wish someone would have told you? It’s part of planning for purity.
RSS Feed
