Hey, you, beloved ones who had as much to do with the resulting children as we did: Maybe you’ve been told all your life you’re not as verbally equipped as the girls. But you still can communicate with the kids when it comes to building foundations for responsible relationships and sexuality. It’s actually your job, and it can be accomplished with or without words.

1.     The way you treat mom is the way your son and daughter will know how to treat or be treated as a man or woman. The way you speak, pull out a chair, plan a date, spend time … or don’t … is their training video for interaction now and when they start to date.

2.     Shop with your sons and daughters. Tell your girl what’s pretty and what’s too short or too tight (respectfully, gently, firmly). Tell your son how to dress with style, class and practicality. Your input will make a deeper impact than mom’s.

3.     Set boundaries on technology. Protect the family from pornography and related explicit material, including those that teach violence or disrespect. Don’t use tech as a babysitter. Know what your kids are watching. Watch and use tech with them. Be in their world.

4.     Know your kids’ friends. Especially those of the opposite sex. Very well.

5.     Don’t pass off the spiritual development to Mom. This may seem like a touchy-feely kind of thing, but matters of right and wrong and spiritual practices are way more “sticky” when dad practices them and requires family participation.

6.     Help with the housework. Yes, you may come home tired, but don’t just plop on the couch for the night. Show your kids what practical love looks like.

7.     Do your part in the “awkward” conversations. Yes, the “words” part. The woman’s perspective isn’t complete without the man’s. At an age-appropriate level, give your two cents, briefly, intentionally. You can do it.

8.     Date your daughter. Show her how an honorable man treats a lady. Do man things with your son. Give him purpose and teach him the value of hard work.

9.     Show affection to mom and your kids, often. Each one needs hugs, fist-bumps, loving phrases and smiles. It’s free. It’s really important. And it fills a love-tank that could otherwise be hungry and receive inappropriate affection.

10.     Pray. This thing is bigger than you and mom together. Be courageous enough to ask help from a higher source.

In teaching the Five Doors of the Heart, I talk to all ages about critically evaluating what we see, hear, say and touch. Each “door” is an avenue to the heart, contributing to who we become. But the Door of the Breath is special, set apart from the Doors of the Eyes, Ears, Mouth and Skin. Because this door deals with how we honor everything that lives and breathes, it’s sometimes perceived as a little more abstract that the others, requiring a discussion of honor and respect and how we do or don’t display those virtues.

I was delighted to see a post on Facebook this week that portrayed a young man who guarded his heart via the Door of the Breath in a sensational way. A quarterback on his high school football team, he choose not to ask the lead cheerleader or some other high school popularity queen to be his prom date. Instead, he kept a promise that he had made in fourth grade. Ben invited a young lady with Down syndrome to whom he had been a gentle friend and guardian angel.

She doesn’t even go to his school anymore. She was planning to go to the prom with girlfriends. But Ben remembered his promise and was happy to keep it, saying that it was the right thing to do.

Ben has a virtuous heart. He deeply respects Mary. And he set aside the common goal of choosing someone for whom he had romantic intentions or who “matched” his position at school to escort his dear friend to a milestone occasion in her life. From the interviews, it looks like he didn’t even think twice about it.
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How many young men do you know like this? What would the world be like if we all returned to such standards of honor? Look into this guy’s eyes. Does he look like he’s doing this out of obligation? Not a trace.

Just read the story and look at the pictures. This is the kind of son we want to raise. This is the kind of man we want our daughters to marry. This is the kind of man a women wants to be married to.

People wrongly associate purity with simple sexual self-control. But I look at the pictures of Ben and Mary, and there’s no doubt about what purity REALLY is. See it? It’s in these young people’s eyes, and it comes from their hearts. What a treasure. I’m delighted to feature this story and these two special people in my blog today.

Links to read more about Ben and Mary’s story:

http://www.etonline.com/news/164440_a_high_school_quarterback_took_his_friend_with_down_syndrome_to_prom_7_years_after_promising_he_would/

http://www.today.com/news/high-school-qb-fulfills-prom-promise-girl-down-syndrome-t20971

http://fox8.com/2015/05/14/promise-kept-high-school-quarterback-escorts-friend-with-down-syndrome-to-prom/