Recent news has been focusing on an organization that has spent most of its existence preventing parenthood; however, the entity identifies its service as “planning for parenthood.” I believe it’s a good time for some clarification.

Planning for parenthood happens by developing one’s own character, work ethic, spiritual foundation and health to become an excellent mom or dad. It also makes one more likely to discern those qualities in the person of the opposite gender who will provide the counterpart in parenting a child.

Sexual test drives are NOT the answer to good parenting, and abortion in the event of an “accident” (such an inaccurate word, when it’s clear that the sexual act is meant to result in a baby) destroys the character and emotional well-being of the people involved, as well as the life of a child. Doesn’t it follow, even to the simplest mind, that it will be a long road back to a healthy relationship in both the couple and family after such trauma? Pregnancy is not a disease to be eliminated, but a natural biological event welcoming a new human to the earth, no matter the circumstances.

Sex, pregnancy and parenting are also major responsibilities, so planning for parenthood is vital to success as a family. But the secret to building this great family is planning for purity before parenting even comes to mind.

Purity isn’t sexual abstinence alone and should not imply a need to wear a full-body prophylactic in the sexualized marinade of our culture. Purity is more accurately defined as a condition of the heart. The right heart can navigate a culture that is horribly twisted and even bring back order through powerful love.

A heart and mind that chooses to act out self-gratification, especially at the expense of others (including casual sex partners and innocent children in the womb) needs an overhaul. This transformation comes not from a surgical procedure or a simple decision to “do better,” but a shift in the way we see ourselves. A selfish heart cannot be legislated or outlawed. It is a human condition that can be cured only through brokenness, a confession that our lives are not manageable on our own, and a desperate calling out for something more to be revealed to us. It requires an abyssal humbling.

That spiritual “heart transplant” is the best plan for parenthood. As we consider that our intimacies will result in the creation of a new life, completely dependent upon us for food, clothing, shelter and nurture, we will need an unselfish heart to give up our personal conveniences—for years. We will need the self-control to admit that sex is far from pleasurable alone, to back away from circumstances in which we may be tempted to gratify and run. Sex requires a commitment to one other to be truly “safe,” physically and emotionally, and to build a home environment that is secure as well.

This is not rocket science. It is profound common sense. If we came from a broken family, we know the pain and confusion of that clip, splice and tangle all too well. Certainly we want better for ourselves. If we lived in a healthy family, we are eager to repeat the experience. We long for children and a loving, faithful spouse.

Planning for parenting is much more vital than any organization’s attractive name. And living with a pure heart is the path to building a strong, healthy home with a mom and dad who will live lives of honor and not leave a child at any cost.

Missteps? Oh, yes, there will be plenty, because that is how we learn. It’s part of the plan. But there is opportunity for a fresh start as long as we’re living, for those with the courage to persevere. That is the beauty of real and graphic life, and authentic grace.

Plan for purity—and parenthood—for you and your family. Counseling, conference, book or a raw break-off and new beginning--whatever it takes, do it. You are worth it. Your family is worth it. And so are the children and families to come.

There are new beginnings for us all.

Who doesn’t get shivers just reading that first line? (I’d like to meet you.)

Good news, parents! Once we understand that sexual integrity results from a pure heart, we recognize that we have a lot of freedom to talk about how to keep a heart clean waaaay before we start in on the birds and the bees. And it’s so easy, using a simple tool that is a key element of what we call Planned Purity: The Five Doors of the Heart.

You can make your own Five Doors poster just like the one in the picture. We make hundreds of them to use in the US and on international trips as well.

When we teach little guys and gals, we explain that our hearts have five doors, and they are our senses. They lead right to our hearts. So what we decide to let in or keep out is what makes us the kind of person we are: selfish or a servant.

Our children need the reminder to close their eyes to bad things and open them to good things. Then we can keep pointing out what those things are and explaining why as they come up. (Avoid the “big talk” misnomer and go for the “long conversation.”)

The same for the ears. We close our ears to bad things, and open them to good things. Even our preschoolers know that there are some pretty nasty song lyrics out there.

We relate the sense of smell to our breath. We honor, respect and protect anything that lives and breathes. We nurture plants, care for pets, and love on babies and old people and those who seem “different.”

Then there’s that pesky mouth. Obviously, we open our mouths to say good things and close them to keep from saying bad things. You get to define what the bad things are.

The sense of touch at this stage is as easy as a little sing-songy saying: “No hitting, no kicking, lots of hugs!” Of course, privacy can be taught, too, so that a child knows they have the right to say “no” to touch.

Have fun teaching the Five Doors to your kids, and start now. They’ve already seen and heard more than you think. And what’s cool is this:  when they get to the age of having more interest in the opposite sex, you can get the poster out again, and use the s-e-x word.

But that's another blog.  :)